At the Start of This Month, I’m Learning to Hold Every Part of Me

The start of a new month always makes me reflect a little deeper.

Not in a “new month, new me” kind of way.

More like a quiet check-in with myself.

Who am I right now?

What matters most to me?

What am I learning?

And what parts of myself have I been forgetting to acknowledge?

This month, I keep coming back to one thing:

I am more than one version of myself.

I am a mum.

I am a wife.

I am a visual creator.

I am an author.

And yes, I also have an online business with MONAT.

But before any business, before any title, before anything I’m building online, I’m still me.

And the biggest parts of me will always begin at home.

Mum First

Being a mum of five is probably the biggest part of who I am.

It shapes my days, my choices, my priorities and even the dreams I have for myself.

Motherhood isn’t always pretty.

Some mornings are organised.

Some mornings are chaos.

Some days I feel like I have everything together.

Other days, I’m looking around thinking, what the hell happened in here?

There are lunches, school runs, washing, cleaning, appointments, emotions, cuddles, arguments, questions, snacks and the constant sound of “Mum.”

And somewhere in between all of that, I’m still trying to remember that I’m a person too.

I think for a long time, motherhood made me believe I had to put parts of myself away.

Not because anyone necessarily told me to, but because when you’re raising children, it’s easy to make everyone else your entire world.

And my babies are my world.

But I’m learning they don’t have to be the reason I stop dreaming.

I actually want them to see me dream.

I want them to see their mum create.

I want them to see their mum try things she’s never done before.

I want them to see me make mistakes, learn, start over and keep going.

Because one day, when they’re standing at the beginning of something new, I want them to remember that their mum never waited until she felt completely ready.

She just started.

I’m a Wife Too

Then there’s being a wife.

Something that deserves its own space because marriage is such a huge part of the life we’ve built.

When you’ve been with someone for a long time, you don’t just grow together.

You change together.

You meet different versions of each other over and over again.

There are seasons where life is exciting.

There are seasons where you’re exhausted.

There are seasons where you’re focused on the kids.

There are seasons where one person needs more support than the other.

There are times where you’re dreaming together and times where you’re simply trying to get through the week.

That’s real life.

Being a wife isn’t just the photos, anniversaries or big moments.

It’s the everyday choosing.

It’s supporting each other’s goals.

It’s navigating parenthood together.

It’s laughing at things nobody else would understand.

It’s disagreeing and still coming back to each other.

It’s knowing someone has seen almost every version of you and is still standing beside you.

I’m still learning how to be a wife while also becoming more of myself.

And I think that’s something people don’t talk about enough.

You don’t have to lose your individuality just because you’re married.

You can love your family deeply and still have dreams that belong to you.

Becoming a Visual Creator

One of the newest parts of me is being a visual creator.

And I’m really enjoying discovering her.

Photography and videography have given me another way to tell stories.

For so long, words were my main outlet.

Now I’m realising there are things a camera can say that words sometimes can’t.

A small glance.

A laugh.

The way somebody moves.

A moment between a parent and their child.

A sports moment that happens in seconds.

A family memory.

A quiet detail someone else might miss.

That’s what I love.

Every angle of a lens has a story to tell.

I’m still learning.

There are settings I’m figuring out, edits I redo, videos I watch back and think, “Nope, try that again.”

But I actually love that part too.

Because I’m allowing myself to be a beginner.

I don’t need to know everything right now.

I don’t need to be perfect to call myself creative.

I just need to keep picking up the camera.

Keep learning.

Keep creating.

Keep trusting my own eye.

And honestly, it feels really good having something that is mine.

Something that lets me express another side of myself.

I’m Still an Author

Writing will always be a massive part of me.

Becoming an author changed the way I saw myself.

I wrote from places that weren’t always easy to revisit.

I sat with memories.

I sat with grief.

I sat with versions of myself I had outgrown.

And through writing, I started to understand that my story wasn’t just about what happened to me.

It was about who I became through it.

My first book carried so much emotion.

It was a journey.

And when I look back now, I can see how much that version of me needed to write it.

But I’m not standing in exactly the same place anymore.

That’s the beautiful part.

My writing can grow because I have grown.

I don’t want every chapter I write to come from pain.

Some chapters can come from peace.

Some can come from happiness.

Some can come from being a mum watching her babies grow.

Some can come from being a wife.

Some can come from creativity.

Some can simply come from realising how far I’ve come.

Being an author showed me that our stories are never finished just because one book ends.

There is always another chapter.

And Then There’s Me

Underneath all of these titles is just me.

And I think this is the part I’m paying more attention to this month.

Because it’s so easy to introduce ourselves by what we do.

“Mum.”

“Wife.”

“Author.”

“Creator.”

But who are we when we’re not doing anything for anybody else?

Who are we when the house is quiet?

Who are we when nobody needs us for five minutes?

Who are we when we’re not posting, working, cleaning, cooking, creating or ticking something off a list?

I’m still learning the answer.

And I’m okay with that.

I don’t always have my shit together.

Some days I feel powerful.

Some days I’m tired.

Some days I’m creative.

Some days I don’t want to touch my camera or laptop.

Some days I’m confident.

Some days doubt gets loud.

But I’m no longer measuring my growth by whether I have a perfect day.

I’m measuring it by how I speak to myself on the messy ones.

That’s different.

MONAT Is One Part of the Bigger Picture

And then lastly, there’s MONAT.

My online business.

Something I said yes to because I saw an opportunity to build something alongside the life I already had.

I think it’s important for me to put it last because my business is part of my life, not my whole identity.

I’m a mum before I’m a Market Partner.

I’m a wife.

I’m an author.

I’m a creator.

And then I have a business that fits around those things.

That’s actually one of the reasons I enjoy it.

I don’t have to stop being everything else in order to build it.

I can work from my phone.

I can create content around my life.

I can connect with women.

I can share products I genuinely use.

I can build something in the pockets of time that motherhood gives me.

And yes, it still takes work.

Online business isn’t some magical world where you do nothing and money appears.

You still have to learn.

You still have to show up.

You still have to be consistent.

But I love that I can build it in a way that works around my family.

For me, freedom doesn’t mean never working.

Freedom means having more choice over how I work and when I work.

That’s what I’m building towards.

My Intention for This Month

This month, I don’t want to pressure myself to be everything perfectly.

I just want to be present in each part.

When I’m with my babies, I want to be Mum.

When I’m spending time with my husband, I want to be there.

When I pick up my camera, I want to create without overthinking whether I’m “good enough.”

When I write, I want my words to sound like me.

And when I work on my business, I want to remember why I said yes in the first place.

Not to become somebody else.

But to create more freedom for the person I already am.

I don’t need all of my titles to compete with each other.

They can exist together.

I can be soft and ambitious.

I can be family-focused and still have personal goals.

I can be a wife who supports her husband and still build something of my own.

I can be a mother who gives everything to her babies and still save a little piece of myself for my own dreams.

I can be an author and a visual creator.

I can build an online business without making it my entire personality.

I can be all of these things.

Maybe that’s what this month is really teaching me.

I don’t need to choose one version of myself anymore.

I’m a mum.

I’m a wife.

I’m a visual creator.

I’m an author.

I’m building an online business with MONAT.

But most importantly…

I’m still Pauline.

Still learning.

Still creating.

Still loving.

Still raising my babies.

Still writing my story.

And still becoming.

And If MONAT Is Something You’ve Been Thinking About…

If MONAT is something you’ve been watching from the sidelines, thinking about, or wondering whether you could do too, message me.

Email me.

DM me.

Ask me questions.

Whatever feels easiest for you.

You don’t have to know everything before you start, and you definitely don’t have to have it all figured out.

I didn’t.

Sometimes the hardest part is simply saying yes to something new.

So if there’s a little part of you wondering, “Could I actually do this?” don’t be afraid to find out.

Starting something new can feel uncomfortable.

It can feel scary.

But so many beautiful things begin outside of what feels familiar.

And even if you’re not sure yet, reach out and have the conversation.

There’s no pressure.

Just an opportunity to see whether it could be something that fits into your life, your goals and your season.

Don’t be afraid to start something new. You never know where one yes could lead you.

You can email me at paulinegrayyy@gmail.com, send me a message, or click through to my socials on my homepage and reach out to me there too.

However you choose to contact me, don’t be afraid to start the conversation.

love Pauline xx

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