My Greatest IDGAF Era

The freedom of knowing your worth, protecting your peace and genuinely enjoying the life you’re living.

I’ve been in this era for quite some time now, and honestly, I’ve never enjoyed life more.

It’s not something that happened overnight, and it’s certainly not something I’ve decided to announce because of a particular person, situation or experience. It’s a place I’ve grown into through life, reflection, lessons, experiences and getting to know myself on a much deeper level.

At some point, you start looking at life differently.

You begin to realise just how much time and energy can be wasted worrying about things that are completely outside your control. Other people’s opinions, their assumptions, their expectations, their conversations and the stories they choose to tell.

And you start asking yourself a very simple question.

Why?

Why spend so much of your precious time worrying about how somebody perceives you when you could be enjoying the life you’re actually living?

Why feel the need to explain every decision, defend every action or correct every misunderstanding?

Why allow somebody else’s opinion to occupy space in a life you’re working so hard to make beautiful?

For me, the answer became quite simple.

I stopped giving things importance that no longer deserved it.

And that’s where the freedom began.

I’m no longer interested in being understood by everybody.

One thing I’ve learnt throughout life is that not everybody is going to understand you.

You can have the purest intentions, a genuine heart and no desire to cause harm, and somebody can still interpret you completely differently.

You can grow, change, establish boundaries and move forward, but some people will continue to see you through the lens of an older version of yourself.

And that’s okay.

I’ve learnt that everybody sees the world through their own experiences, their own beliefs and their own understanding of life.

We don’t all think alike. We don’t all interpret situations the same way. We don’t all carry the same values or see things from the same perspective.

And expecting everybody to understand you is an exhausting way to live.

I’ve become comfortable with the fact that somebody might not like me.

Somebody might misunderstand me.

Somebody might have an opinion about me that doesn’t reflect who I am.

But none of those things determine my worth.

I don’t need to be everybody’s favourite person. I don’t need to fit into everybody’s expectations, and I certainly don’t need to spend my life trying to convince people that I’m a good person.

I know I’m human. I know I’ve made mistakes. I know I’ve had moments where I’ve needed to reflect, learn and take accountability.

But I’ve also learnt that growth means allowing yourself to become somebody different.

You don’t have to keep introducing yourself to the world through the mistakes you’ve made in the past.

You’re allowed to evolve.

You’re allowed to outgrow things.

You’re allowed to become somebody your younger self never imagined you could be.

And you’re allowed to be proud of that.

Old me would’ve exposed the bullshit.

Let’s be honest.

Old me would’ve wanted to expose the bullshit.

I would’ve wanted to correct the narrative, explain the situation, bring attention to the things that didn’t make sense and make sure the truth was heard.

But life has a funny way of teaching you that you don’t need to participate in everything.

New me lets people tell on themselves.

I don’t interrupt self-destruction.

I don’t need to announce every observation, respond to every comment or involve myself in every situation.

People are responsible for their own words, actions and decisions.

And that includes me.

I’ve learnt that sometimes the strongest response is no response at all.

Not because you’re scared to speak. Not because you don’t have something to say. And not because you don’t know how to stand up for yourself.

But because you’ve reached a point where you understand the value of your energy.

You can recognise something without reacting to it.

You can hear something without entertaining it.

You can know something without needing to announce it.

And you can walk away from a situation without needing to make a scene.

I don’t need to win conversations to feel confident in myself.

I don’t need to have the last word to feel like I’ve moved forward.

And I certainly don’t need to prove that somebody else is wrong to know that I’m doing just fine.

Sometimes people will do exactly what they want to do, say exactly what they want to say and create whatever version of events makes sense to them.

That’s their responsibility.

My responsibility is to continue living my life.

Being humble doesn’t mean accepting everything.

Something I genuinely believe is that you can be humble and still have boundaries.

You can be kind without allowing people to take advantage of you.

You can have a good heart without giving everybody access to it.

You can forgive someone without welcoming them back into your life.

And you can wish somebody well without wanting anything to do with them.

I think there’s a misconception that being a good person means constantly making yourself available, constantly understanding everybody else’s behaviour and constantly being the bigger person.

But being the bigger person doesn’t mean abandoning yourself.

It doesn’t mean accepting disrespect.

It doesn’t mean allowing situations to repeat themselves because you’re trying to prove how forgiving you are.

Sometimes respecting yourself means recognising when enough is enough.

You don’t have to hate anybody to create distance.

You don’t have to carry resentment to establish boundaries.

And you don’t have to explain why something no longer belongs in your life.

I’ve learnt that protecting your peace isn’t selfish.

It’s necessary.

Because the relationship you have with yourself is one you’ll carry through every season of your life.

And that relationship deserves just as much care, understanding and respect as the relationships you have with everybody else.

Stop giving other people control over your happiness.

Think about how much of our happiness can sometimes become attached to things outside ourselves.

Whether somebody likes us.

Whether somebody approves of our decisions.

Whether somebody understands our journey.

Whether somebody recognises our efforts.

Whether somebody acknowledges the changes we’ve made.

We can become so focused on being seen a certain way that we forget to actually enjoy being ourselves.

And that’s something I think we should all reflect on.

Your happiness shouldn’t depend on receiving approval from people who aren’t living your life.

Your confidence shouldn’t disappear because somebody has an opinion.

Your excitement about the future shouldn’t be reduced because somebody doesn’t believe in your dreams.

And your self-worth shouldn’t be measured by how much attention or recognition you receive.

You are allowed to be happy without an audience.

You are allowed to celebrate your achievements without everybody knowing about them.

You are allowed to enjoy your blessings quietly.

You are allowed to have beautiful things happening in your life without feeling the need to explain or justify them.

Some of the best moments in life don’t need an announcement.

Sometimes they’re simply moments you get to experience, appreciate and remember.

And I think that’s beautiful.

Accountability is part of growth.

Now, being unbothered doesn’t mean pretending you’re perfect.

It doesn’t mean avoiding accountability or believing that everything you do is right.

Quite the opposite.

I’ve always believed that personal growth requires honesty.

It requires looking inward, recognising where you’ve gone wrong and being willing to make changes.

We all have moments where we could’ve handled things differently.

We’ve all said things we wish we’d said differently. We’ve all made decisions that have taught us valuable lessons.

That’s life.

But what matters is what we do with those experiences.

Do we learn?

Do we reflect?

Do we take responsibility?

Do we make an effort to become better?

Because accountability isn’t about living in shame. It’s about recognising that our actions matter and allowing ourselves the opportunity to grow from them.

And that applies to everybody.

We can’t expect respect while refusing to give it.

We can’t expect understanding while refusing to understand others.

We can’t expect honesty while being dishonest with ourselves.

And we can’t expect life to change if we’re unwilling to look at the things within ourselves that need changing.

I don’t believe growth is about pointing fingers.

I believe it’s about having the courage to look in the mirror.

That’s where real change begins.

Everybody has a journey. Stop comparing yours.

One thing I wish more people would understand is that life isn’t a competition.

We all have different starting points, different responsibilities, different circumstances and different dreams.

Some people are building families. Others are building businesses. Some are healing from experiences nobody knows about. Others are starting again after losing everything they thought they had.

Some are finding themselves in their thirties, forties, fifties and beyond.

There is no universal timeline for becoming who you’re meant to be.

And there is absolutely no reason to compare your journey to somebody else’s highlight reel.

You don’t know what somebody has experienced behind closed doors.

You don’t know what they’ve had to overcome, what they’ve sacrificed or how much work they’ve put into creating the life they have today.

And equally, somebody else doesn’t know everything about your journey either.

So why compare?

Why compete?

Why allow another person’s achievements to make you question your own progress?

Celebrate people.

Be happy when somebody succeeds.

Encourage others when they’re growing.

And remember to give yourself the same encouragement.

Your journey deserves appreciation too.

Even if you’re not where you want to be yet.

Even if you’re still figuring things out.

Even if you’re starting again.

You’re still moving.

And that matters.

I’ve learnt to appreciate the life happening right in front of me.

This is probably one of the biggest things for me.

Life is happening whether we’re paying attention or not.

Our children grow. Seasons change. People enter and leave our lives. Opportunities come and go. Time moves forward whether we’re ready or not.

And sometimes we’re so busy worrying about things that don’t matter that we forget to appreciate the things that do.

I want to enjoy my family.

I want to make memories with my children.

I want to enjoy the little moments with my husband.

I want to travel, explore, build dreams, create opportunities and experience everything this beautiful world has to offer.

I want spontaneous adventures, beautiful surroundings, long conversations, laughter that makes your stomach hurt and ordinary days that become special simply because we were present enough to enjoy them.

I want to appreciate nature, the sunshine, the rain, the quiet mornings and the moments when everything feels peaceful.

I want to continue growing financially, personally, spiritually and emotionally.

I want to build a future that excites me.

And I want to do all of that without allowing unnecessary noise to become the soundtrack of my life.

Because when you really sit back and think about it, there is so much to be grateful for.

We don’t need a perfect life to appreciate the one we have.

We don’t need everything to fall into place before we allow ourselves to feel happy.

Sometimes happiness is found in the smallest things.

A good conversation.

A family meal.

A beautiful sunset.

A road trip.

A laugh with your children.

A moment of silence when you finally get to sit down and breathe.

Those moments are life.

And I don’t want to miss them.

You can be a good person and still not be everybody’s cup of tea.

I think this is something we should all become comfortable with.

You can be genuine and still be disliked.

You can be respectful and still be misunderstood.

You can have good intentions and still not be somebody’s preferred person.

And that’s life.

We don’t need to be universally accepted.

We don’t need to be included in every circle.

We don’t need to have everybody agree with our choices.

And we don’t need to change our personalities to make ourselves more acceptable to other people.

There is a difference between working on yourself and changing yourself to receive approval.

One comes from growth.

The other comes from seeking validation.

I’ve learnt to appreciate who I am without needing everybody else to appreciate it too.

I’m allowed to be confident.

I’m allowed to have opinions.

I’m allowed to establish boundaries.

I’m allowed to enjoy my life.

And I’m allowed to be exactly where I am without feeling the need to explain it.

If somebody doesn’t connect with me, that’s okay.

If somebody doesn’t understand my personality, that’s okay.

If somebody chooses a different direction in life, that’s okay too.

We can all exist without needing to agree on everything.

And imagine how much more peaceful the world would be if we all understood that.

A little reminder for you.

Now, this is the part I really wanted to share.

Because although I’ve been living this way for quite some time, I know not everybody is in the same place.

Some people are still learning how to establish boundaries.

Some are still finding their confidence.

Some are still trying to detach from situations that have taken far too much of their energy.

Some are still learning that they don’t have to explain themselves to everybody.

And some are simply trying to find happiness again.

If that’s you, I hope you give yourself permission to grow at your own pace.

Please don’t measure your worth by how somebody treats you.

Don’t allow somebody else’s inability to appreciate you to make you question what you bring into this world.

Don’t spend your entire life trying to earn a place in environments where you don’t feel valued.

Don’t forget your dreams because you’re too busy worrying about somebody else’s opinions.

And don’t become so focused on what everybody else is doing that you forget to look after yourself.

You deserve to feel confident in your own skin.

You deserve relationships that feel genuine.

You deserve to laugh without feeling guilty.

You deserve to experience happiness without wondering when something is going to take it away.

You deserve to celebrate your growth, even when nobody else notices it.

And you deserve to look at yourself and recognise how far you’ve come.

There is nothing wrong with choosing yourself.

There is nothing wrong with wanting more for your life.

There is nothing wrong with changing your direction.

And there is nothing wrong with finally deciding that your peace matters.

You don’t need to wait for somebody to give you permission.

You can start appreciating yourself exactly where you are.

My greatest IDGAF era isn’t about caring less. It’s about caring differently.

I think that’s the biggest lesson underneath everything.

I’m not interested in becoming a person who doesn’t care about anything.

I care deeply about my family, my relationships, my dreams, my values and the people who genuinely matter to me.

I care about how I treat people.

I care about the energy I bring into the world.

I care about growing into a better version of myself.

But I no longer give everything and everybody equal access to my attention.

I’ve learnt that my energy has value.

My time has value.

My happiness has value.

And the life I’m living deserves to be enjoyed.

I don’t need to be involved in everything.

I don’t need to respond to everything.

I don’t need to understand everybody’s intentions.

I don’t need to compete with anybody.

And I certainly don’t need to spend my days proving that I’m happy.

I’m simply living it.

Old me would’ve exposed the bullshit.

New me lets people tell on themselves.

I don’t interrupt self-destruction.

And I say that with a smile because I’ve genuinely learnt to enjoy the freedom of not having to participate in everything.

People can have their opinions.

People can make their assumptions.

People can tell whatever stories they choose.

I’ll continue taking accountability for myself, appreciating my blessings and enjoying the life I’ve worked hard to build.

No bitterness.

No unnecessary explanations.

No competition.

No need for the last word.

Just growth, happiness, love and a whole lot of peace.

And if there’s anything I hope you take away from reading this, it’s that you don’t have to live your life constantly looking over your shoulder.

You don’t have to spend your days wondering what somebody thinks of you.

You don’t have to prove your worth.

You don’t have to compete for happiness.

You can simply live.

So here’s your reminder to take a breath, look around and appreciate where you are.

Give yourself credit.

Celebrate your progress.

Keep your heart genuine.

Own your mistakes.

Protect your peace.

And never forget how amazing you are, even on the days when you struggle to see it yourself.

I’ve been enjoying this era for a long time, and I wanted to share a little piece of it with you. Because happiness, peace and personal freedom aren’t reserved for a select few. They’re things we can all work towards, in our own time and in our own way.

Life is beautiful. Don’t forget to enjoy yours.

Love Pauline xxx

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